What did I learn today....

To have patience is a great virtue. Today I nearly broke a lot of my own rules when impatience ruled the day. People pushed past me in a shopping centre, I was forced to communicate with people to whom reason and reality is a stranger, my children were begging me for attention and after a few hours of the constant battering the telephone wire that was my patience almost snapped and shut off communication. I then began thinking back over the morning and something, actually two things, my gorgeous husband said over tea this morning came back to smack me alongside the head and remind me who I am and who I want to be. He said, "remember always that the circle will turn" and then later he said "If you keep planting lemon seeds all you are going to get is lemon trees". I decided that if the circle was going to turn then I wanted something good to come back at me and not something bad, and, although I really like lemon trees, I will not let my life only bear sour fruit. I feel that I am breathing again, my patience is back and life suddenly looks a whole lot more cheerful.

What did I learn today ....

I learnt that when someone starts a conversation "with respect" they in actual fact really mean you no respect at all. To me when you say something which incorporates words like "respect" and "love"you must always mean them from you very heart and not use them as a sarcastic retort or in an effort to mislead someone. If you do not mean something in the very best way, do not say it. You will only end up robbing yourself of self-respect if you cannot feel true and honest respect for another; you will not love yourself if you tell someone you love them and do not mean it from the heart. As you take a bite of a delicious food which has been placed before you, you savour every morsel and our words should be dealt with in the same way ... savour your words in your heart, your mind, your soul and if they feel good on the tongue then by all means voice them, but if they taste bad you had better re-think before you speak, because those words could poison you.

What did I learn today....

I learnt that there is a greater purpose to it all. Just when you think you are about to break a window is opened and you just have to realise where the sunshine is coming from. I learned that "nobody is a nobody - God doesn't make mistakes" and that what I am, who I am, what I do and what I think cannot be regarded as mistakes but only as ideas and things original to me. I am an original as are you and everybody else. Unless we do harm to others there should be no apology for the things we do and think and the people we are. As long as we are true to ourselves and have open and honest love for mankind and the world around us then what we think and do can never be wrong in the grand scheme. Always remember that "there is a purpose for everything" and sometimes you have to step away from the darkness to see the light.

Okay, so I have finally decided what to do with this whole "blog" thing. My new view will be almost childishly simply ... "What did I learn today?". I believe that every day has a lesson for each of us, whether big or small. It could be learning how to make the perfect cup of tea, learning something new about your own personality or how to deal with others, it might be scientific or personal, but we all do learn something.

So here goes...

What I learned today.... is that by supporting a charity you get what you are willing to give. Today I supported the SPCA. I went to the local charity shop and gave them money. I could have gone to a chain store and spent my money on new and expensive clothes, but instead I chose second hand clothing. What did I get in a return ... I had a wonderful conversation with old friends who tend to the shop, I got some excellent bargain items, I supported a charity and felt great about doing that and I even got instant thanks for my support. I learned that people can be really giving and really generous and it restored some of my shaken faith in humanity. The time I spent chatting and browsing re-centred me when I was feeling really off kilter. I learned that sometimes by walking away from a problem you find a solution and sometimes by giving things away you can find some peace.

Empty nest?

So is this the empty nest feeling? If so, I am not that averse. This weekend my first born son moved out. I am, weirdly enough, okay with this. However, I do feel this overwhelming urge to fill the gap. Again, what to do? I need space and time to really think about what it is I want to achieve, what it is I want to do and, most importantly, what am I good at? I need meditation time and peace and quiet.

Find yourself

I have spent the last five odd years trying to "find myself". A bit late when I am heading towards 40, but to be quite honest I have yet to get even close. I have this belief that each of us is given a gift and out lives are merely a path of finding that gift and making the most of it. I have no gift. Sad to say I think I am the proverbial "Jack of all trades ... master of none". I am a lawyer and I hate it. I subscribe to the Ghandi (another lawyer) point of view in that I truly believe settlement can be hashed out between the parties without the necessity for damaging court actions and the angst that goes with them. However ... I feel I am alone in this viewpoint when dealing with colleagues in the profession. Rude, nasty, horrible little people (yes little. Maybe not in stature, but in humanity or inhumanity). A man approached me this morning and told me he "F$$$ing hated lawyers" and I almost agreed, until I realised I was one of those "hated" people. But what to do? What do I do if not this? I want to create and bring beauty to the world, I want to feed people lovely things and dress them in lovely clothes, but it is all a little pie in the sky when I find myself yawning at the prospect of writing business plans, and discussing finances, profit and loss margins, rentals, stock control .... Oh, my word, my brain just shuts down. How on earth will I get this new lifestyle (lifeline?) off the ground?