Find yourself

I have spent the last five odd years trying to "find myself". A bit late when I am heading towards 40, but to be quite honest I have yet to get even close. I have this belief that each of us is given a gift and out lives are merely a path of finding that gift and making the most of it. I have no gift. Sad to say I think I am the proverbial "Jack of all trades ... master of none". I am a lawyer and I hate it. I subscribe to the Ghandi (another lawyer) point of view in that I truly believe settlement can be hashed out between the parties without the necessity for damaging court actions and the angst that goes with them. However ... I feel I am alone in this viewpoint when dealing with colleagues in the profession. Rude, nasty, horrible little people (yes little. Maybe not in stature, but in humanity or inhumanity). A man approached me this morning and told me he "F$$$ing hated lawyers" and I almost agreed, until I realised I was one of those "hated" people. But what to do? What do I do if not this? I want to create and bring beauty to the world, I want to feed people lovely things and dress them in lovely clothes, but it is all a little pie in the sky when I find myself yawning at the prospect of writing business plans, and discussing finances, profit and loss margins, rentals, stock control .... Oh, my word, my brain just shuts down. How on earth will I get this new lifestyle (lifeline?) off the ground?